Rules of Rural Missouri

[Tom_Heath]

Yes, there is a huge state right here between Kansas City and St. Louis; and it is called MISSOURI. It has some beautiful, large cities and is also full of MANY, MANY small towns and abundant farm land which we call RURAL MISSOURI. Here is someone's take on "Rural Missouri" and it's quite accurate.

THE RULES OF RURAL MISSOURI ARE AS FOLLOWS: Listen up!



1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.



2. Turn your cap around straight. Your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it, or get out of the way. I drive a pickup truck because I want to.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-70 and I-29 go west and south.

5. So you have a $60,000 car... we're really impressed. We have $250,000 combines... to harvest corn and soybeans, and they are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in rural MISSOURI waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat meat, potatoes and gravy, beans and biscuits, and homemade pie. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available down at Jim's bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's like a religious holiday held the Saturday before Thanksgiving.

10. Men and boys open doors for women. That applies to all women, regardless of age (your grandmother, your mother, your wife, your sister, your daughter, your granddaughter, your girlfriend, and all other women).

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak or chicken. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the ham and turkey.

12. You bring 'coke' into my house... it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

13. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long blonde hair.

14. The Missouri Tigers and high school football are as important here as the K.C. Royals and the K.C. Chiefs, and they're a lot more fun to watch.



15. Colleges? We have them all over. We have MU, CMU, MSU, Community Colleges, Vo-techs, and a whole bunch of others. Students come out of there with an education plus a love for God and Country, and they still wave to everybody when they come home for the holidays.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap isn't music anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1.)



17. Most of our men are real men - - and most of them are gentlemen.



18. Four inches of snow isn't a blizzard... it's a flurry. Drive in it like you have some sense, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and eggs off the grocery shelves. This is not Alaska! Worst case.. you may have to live a whole day without croissants. Anyway... the pickups with snowplows will have you out the next day.

19. If you've never been here, come visit our friendly folks and enjoy our spectacular scenery... lakes, farmland, great fishing and hunting, wineries, museums, lots of history.

20. By the way, if you want to talk to God in Missouri ...IT'S A LOCAL CALL.
(AMEN to that!)



A true Missourian will send this on!!!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

FROM RURAL Missouri with Love and God's Blessing!

[Frank_Cox]

I like it!

[MattS]

Sounds just like Illinois. If you are from Illinois, then you are from Chicago.

[Gizmo]

Thanks for posting this - I want to forward it to a few people... If you wouldn't mind, please send me that as a PM attachment. I was born in St. Joe but lived my life in Nebraska because they're the same people mostly - just not as well educated on "Q" so I stayed as more of a "missionary". - rick

[Frank_Cox]

Thanks for posting this - I want to forward it to a few people... If you wouldn't mind, please send me that as a PM attachment. I was born in St. Joe but lived my life in Nebraska because they're the same people mostly - just not as well educated on "Q" so I stayed as more of a "missionary". - rick

LOL

[thatlevi]

Where I grew up in Minnesota that's how we do things there. with less good bbq Thanks for posting

[Frank_Cox]

well hopefully you'll be able to bring a BBQ revolution to Minnesota

[smc51]

Well Put Tom!
From a Rural Iowan......same beliefs, just a bit more North LOL

[TuscaloosaQ]

Tom I just found this post and I love it. I went to the hobart school of welding many years ago for some advanced training in Troy Ohio the all thought I was kinda different cause I was always saying yes sir or yes mam and waving at people going down the road

[PvilleComp]

LOL - Reminds me of a meeting I was in while working at a "Big" telco. This ornery instigator was heckling my entire presentation. Would not let me say the sky was blue without a challenge. So I finally got to the end and asked if there were any questions? So Instigator says... "I'm from Missouri... Show me."

I didn't bat an eye, I told her, "I'm from New Jersey... F' You."

My boss almost fired me that day, but he was laughing to hard to actually do it.

The late 90's were a great time.

[maccas66]

I was told that the pants hanging down showing your undies , in prison it`s a sign that you are available!, tell them that and I bet they hich them up quick smart!

[Frank_Cox]

So Instigator says... "I'm from Missouri... Show me."

I didn't bat an eye, I told her, "I'm from New Jersey... F' You

Hahahaha! I had to read that twice!

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[Gizmo]

seriously! -

[The Czar]

That's pretty dang funny....

[PvilleComp]

For about an hour after the meeting I was convinced that it was my last day, but everyone knew what a PITA she was and I think when she complained it fell on some deaf ears.

Not sure I would use the same line today, but I was a little young and cocky back then.

[Smokeone]

Wish I could use that some days!